Turning Toward Care
for Wealth, Health, and Wholeness
Spelunking
Every winter I dive into myself. I sink under the waves of my subconscious and remember that I can breathe underwater. I swim, spelunk, and explore the crevasses of my whole self. It helps me line up my intentions, budgets, and sovereignty.
This year was a deeper, longer expedition than usual. This year made my conscious mind uninhabitable, so the only place I could be myself was underneath.
My expedition was spurred by a relationship that had become so unhealthy that it sparked a deep need to reexamine myself, know more, and see what I could love more about myself to keep me from ever experiencing that kind of relationship ever again. That person and relationship has been such a dear and cherished gift because of the healing they sparked in me.
While I’m still fermenting and refining - I feel like I’m at a good enough place to share. My heart is full of love. My body is calm. My mind is at ease. My spirit is engaged. For better or worse, I’ve never been one to care about perfection.
Safety
I didn’t experience safety in my conditioning years. My emotional exploration or expression of feelings got me in trouble. My body’s need to rest got me in trouble. Financial safety wasn’t an option. My spiritual observations were dismissed by all but one person. My endless curiosity got me in trouble. I was punished for loving myself for who I was. Safety wasn’t an option so I became incredibly comfortable with risk. So much so that I sought out reasons to prove to myself how risk tolerant I had become.
While my wild courage & vulnerability is one of my favorite parts of myself, it landed me in relationships with people who didn’t value their own vulnerability and couldn’t value mine. I got there by seeking safety in other people instead of myself. The result was that, on occasion, despite all my dedication to becoming a safe person for other people, I was unsafe to my partner. My vulnerability wasn’t safe for them - and that was very unsafe for me too. It kept me in a state of accepting constant violations as the cost of closeness. That approach also made my business suffer. While I enjoy playing with contracts and negotiating, sometimes it’s just nice to have a safe, clear offer for people to work with - and it takes a lot less time on my end.
What to Say “Yes” to after saying “No More”
One deep existential crisis, hours of Sarah McLachlan, and a medically assisted psychadelic trip later, I found my inner safety. It all came down to CARE.
In my work, I often get to shift the needle from looking for lack and suffering to focusing on abundance and love. It brings wealth every time.
For my heart, I was spending too much time connecting with people who didn’t care about me for me. I was still focusing on people who cared about me of course, but I was also saving energy for people who don’t care and because of that, I had less to share with those who do care. My proportions of focus weren’t aligned with who I thought I was.
I wept at how much joyous connection I had missed out on by making space for people who didn’t care about me. I grieve still.
I’m angry at the people who say they valued me in community but didn’t value me as a person. They extracted from me. They made me a function of their plans instead of a human. There was no room for co-creation because there was no room for me to be me. I’m angry at myself for wanting to be close to them and going along with it. I’m still working through that part. Forgiveness will feel divine when I get there - and I’m getting close.
And more Importantly,
I found my safety. It’s not only within me, but in every person who has cared for me like a reverse horcrux. My safety is in EVERY ACT of care that I’ve been blessed with or shared. When I look at it like that, I can see which people care less and which care more and can trust that information to guide my discernment and choose to focus myself on caring people. I can turn away from careless people. I can build community in a new way. That brings me a new kind of wealth that I’m incredibly excited for!
The beauty here is that I also have a responsibility to those who do care for me and I love it. My Cancer Mars sweater daddy energy gets to love them actively even more now and that makes me so happy! One way I get to do that is by finishing and publishing my books to help people interrupt their unhealthy money habits and reprogram them. It’s my life’s work, it’s my dedication to revolution and it will bring so much mutual care to me and my community at an affordable price even if we never meet face to face. I’m so ready to love them - and you - more.
The funny thing is that, because of my line of work, I know that integrating my new sense of inner safety will bring me more wealth as well. Wealth can come in so many forms and I can feel it wash over me and flowing toward me even now as I resurface from my spiritual spelunking.
Our relationship to Money is so much more than money. It’s our relationship to risk, safety, mistakes, growth, sexuality, intimacy, trust, and so much more. Our relationship to money gets in the way of how we act or show up for ourselves or others financially. While changing your relationship to money won’t “make” you take different actions, it will make those actions that once felt impossible or difficult feel possible, easy, and even enjoyable. Healing your relationship to money helps us remove some inner barriers to wealth so we have more inner resources to face the external barriers and break them.
A Celebration for Marking Change
So take a moment to celebrate my newfound safety with me! You may want to light a candle or take a sip or bite of something tasty with me in mind. You may want to dance to a song you love for me or burn something that smells amazing. You could celebrate with a small donation to my ice cream fund. Or you can simply say the following words aloud for our collective connection and safety:
May our care be shared between us clearly, freely and with love. May our vulnerability be cherished for the strength and gift that it is. May our truth be shared. May love flow freely between us with ease and power.
As it is said, it is done.
I already feel more wealthy, healthy, and whole because I can see and sense all the care I couldn’t before.
A special Note
If you find yourself judging the person I was in relationship with negatively, you should know that I don’t. I love them. I love them for who they are. I miss them. I’d love to be close to them again someday if it ever feels healthy to us. We don’t get to analyze and judge people without them, not here in my community. That kind of behavior is what keeps us relationally poor and reinforces supremacy mindsets and deadly isolation. This community seeks and offers care where we feel good about it. If you don’t want to show care for that person, simply turn away and focus your care on someone who also shows care for you instead. No need to let your mind focus on something that won’t helps us all and add to our collective abundance. Easy Peasy
Candis Fox is a Wealth and Integrity Coach dedicated to making Revolution Delicious, Easy, and Accessible to people, businesses, & industries invested in their own integrity & collective truth.
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Beautiful share! Thank you!