On a Date with Pain
but Joy has always been my Soulmate. A note on Wealth in times of suffering.
My first date with Pain
I remember it like it was yesterday. We met just over a year ago. I lied down on a surgical table and a surgeon introduced me to constant Pain.
It wasn’t the first date I was hoping for. I was hoping that Pain and I would meet later in life when I felt more ready, but you know what they say, whenever it happens is the “right time.”
My date with Pain instantly became a marriage neither of us wanted. And yet, we rarely spend a moment apart. We had a child named “Pudendal Nerve Damage” together and I spend all my resources investing in that child so they can heal and grow to become a dancer.
I’ve sacrificed my familiar paths to Joy. I left behind a life of easy travel, sweaty long nights dancing with strangers to queer pop music, and going to see my friends. The last one was the hardest. I just can’t show up for my friends the way I could before.
Pain has isolated me from everything I cherish easily. Pain evicted Joy from the most pleasurable parts of my body and life. The grief I move with on a daily basis is immense.
So I’ve had to find new ways to connect with Joy. I’ve treated it like my new job. To start my daily work, every morning I root myself in what I have.
I have a warm, safe home. I have friends and loved ones who have adjusted to my capacity changes with love. I have animals in my life who love me and trust me to care for them. I have a computer to make money with. I have creativity. I have gifts to share that people want. I have a chance for healing, I have . . .
While having those things may not actually bring me closer to Joy directly, they help me invite more opportunities to connect with Joy. Recognizing what I have doesn’t erase Pain either. In fact, Pain makes it harder to keep and hold those things, and I become acutely aware of how fleeting they all are. The threat of loss adds strength to Pain, and I’m not about to let Pain become too powerful. Threats are not enough for me to change my direction because I know my heart lies with another - Joy. My “having” practice reminds me that I can reunite with what I need and may already have waiting for me. Joy is waiting for me to see them just over my shoulder.
Joy is my soulmate. Joy is what I was made for.
I bet you’re asking how I could make space for Joy when Pain and Pudendal Nerve Damage keep me so busy. Understandable. It’s so easy to focus on what hurts, especially when it takes up so much time. Well, while the solution is simple, the execution is a little more difficult because it requires me to choose and act on what seems impossible.
I choose Joy.
I choose Joy by remembering what I have and then deciding HOW I want to be or what I want to do with my resources. I choose to recognize my pain and hold Joy in my heart. How do I feel when I recognize what I have (good, bad, or ugly)?
I feel peaceful. I feel truthful. I feel centered. I feel hopeful. I feel strong and capable.
Great. Now what do I want to do with that?
I write to share my experiences. I craft workbooks to help others get a more whole picture of their Pain and Joy - of what they want and what they have. I help expand our collective experience of shared truth. I teach. I coach. I facilitate change. I LOVE.
I do this because it is who I am. And I have all those things because of who I am. I AM wealth, wholeness, and health. My version looks different from yours, and while I certainly did not want nerve damage for the rest of my life, I’m whole and shining anyway.
And on a practical level, even with all this Pain, struggle, and diversions from wealth, I’m still afloat financially, at least for now. And that is enough. I am enough now. I have enough now. Today.
From this foundation of enoughness, I’m opening up more opportunities for wealth to flow through me. Maybe you’ll be my newest paid subscriber. Maybe you’ll become my next coaching client. Maybe you’ll connect me with the exact right person. Maybe you’ll gift a subscription or session to someone who needs it. Maybe you’ll pre-order my upcoming workbook(s). Maybe you’ll book me as a speaker at the next event you’re attending.
I HAVE NO IDEA! (Isn’t that delightful!?) But I do know that if I keep radiating who I am and how I move through the world, that I’ll always be enough. And if I keep sharing who I am, I’ll have enough.
Joy in Surrender
One day I have hope that Pudendal Nerve Damage will become a dancer and travel the world on behalf of Delight. One day I hope to put Pain on an “as needed” basis. One day I hope to be forever united with Soulmate, Joy.
None of that can happen if I believe it’s impossible. None of that can happen if I keep investing in Pain. None of that can happen if I don’t get creative with my resources and make new strategies. None of that can happen unless I choose to act on it.
None of that can happen without you. Even if you take no direct action to support me, you’re experiencing my life with me and probably thinking about yours a little differently now, right? That matters. That’s impact. That’s change. And it gets us both a little closer to Joy, doesn’t it?
That is enough. You are enough. We are enough now.
What will YOU do with your enoughness? Will you share it with me? I’d love your company on my path to Joy.
Candis Fox is a Wealth and Integrity Coach dedicated to making Revolution Delicious, Easy, and Accessible to people, businesses, & industries invested in their own integrity & truth.