Money Model: The Attuned
Money Model: The Attuned
The Spectrum of Lost - Communion - Egalitarian
Listen to this article on the podcast!
The Attuned Senses
Like spiders on a web, The Attuned of us have a 6th sense for understanding where resources could flow and have a big impact. We have listened to real, individual people in communities and seen who would benefit most from having even a little more. Impact, Impact, Impact. For The Attuned, the impact they create is primarily responsive and receptive to their outer environment, which is the opposite of The Champion, who creates impact from within their own will. The Attuned make sure that when the water rises, so do we all.
Lost
They’re also prone to drowning when it does. The Attuned can get lost in the waves as they uplift the boats of others. Uninterested in tending their own boats as the water rises, they sink under the pressure. They put those that society puts down above their own needs as they champion their change. The Attuned think that by putting the disenfranchised on a pedestal, and not nourishing themselves, that they’re balancing out the harm society caused in the first place, when really, they might just be reinforcing it. More on that later.
The benefit on the unsustainable end of this spectrum is that we’re able to put egos aside and truly listen, decondition harmful supremacy mindsets, and empathize ourselves to a brilliant point of clarity and understanding. Wow.
Imagine a complete stranger as different from you as your mind can give you. Now imagine being able to really hear their complaints, celebrations, what they love and can’t live with. All those wondrous truths laid at your feet like the gifts they are. Wow. This is how integrated change can begin. Absolutely juicy, verdant, and delicious change can start here.
And, when all we do is listen, we never speak. When all we do is redistribute, we never gain. We can get lost in the other, and unfortunately, never bring our understanding of them to an active, integrated impact and they’re left wondering why they keep speaking with such vulnerability and nothing changes. How many times have we heard the voices of activists and done nothing? This is one of the archetypes most prone to benevolent contempt, which is deceptively dangerous. Read more about benevolent contempt here, but the basics are this: when we tell ourselves that we know what’s best for another person more than they do, we’re practicing benevolent contempt. We’re placing our idea of them above their truth of themselves and acting from there.
When The Attuned disempowers themselves to “give” or “redistribute” power or money to others “below them” for the sake of equality, they’re still reinforcing the hierarchy that put others below them in the first place. When operating in this ranking, supremacy mindset, The Attuned is often subconsciously making decisions on what they want to have happen and are unwilling to admit it, placing it under the guise of doing what’s best for someone else. This is benevolent contempt. It’s the energy of covert narcissism: where looking like a good person is more important than being one.
(For the record, I have no interest in “being” anyone’s idea of a “good person,” I just practice my integrity and actions in alignment with my values and find people who do the same. Not everyone likes how I do it and that rarely bothers me.)
Real talk: One example of benevolent contempt is when religious organizations give themselves the authority to dictate what’s best for queer youths, the poor, the hungry, the homeless etc. without listening to their whole truths. Because the religious organization refuses to see the harmful impacts they’re having alongside their desired impacts and see their full selves, they say “look at the good we do!” without understanding that they’re also funding death by donating to senators who restrict trans healthcare. Now, I know on a large scale, they’re very aware that they’re funding harm, but on a personal level, Ethel at church doesn’t know. Ethel makes lemon bars for every gathering and gets to be seen as an upstanding citizen because she’s been told that to be a good Christian, she must ignore her or punish her grandkid for being trans but says she “loves _deadname_ anyway.” This is “hate the sin, not the sinner” rhetoric - an absolute disregard of truth and humanity. It is spiritual bypassing at its most harmful. Truth is messy and painful sometimes - ignoring it only makes it worse. Benevolent contempt is how we hide the truth from ourselves and each other and look good to others for doing it.
The gift of this position comes in the form of recognizing opportunities to flatten hierarchies. I’ve never met anyone who scored highly in this archetype who wants to keep our inherited hierarchy as a value going forward. The Attuned understands the value of relational decision-making.
Communion
The Attuned MUST integrate what they hear and speak or act to move out of the Lost end toward Communion or Egalitarianism. Integration requires spaciousness and resources…. used on behalf of The Attuned themselves.
In order to integrate what they hear of others, The Attuned must bring the truth of another into their bodies - It is a divine act of communion - to take the truth of another body and let it flow through our own. We let it sift and flow, keeping the truths that are for us and letting those go that are for others - we grieve. Communion is an act of nourishment, it is an act of leadership, it is an act of sovereignty, it is an act of connection without judgment.
We can’t nourish ourselves if we deny ourselves. If we deny we exist or tell ourselves that our own desires and needs are unimportant or don’t matter, we don’t allow ourselves to be nourished by ourselves or others. We cannot let love in. We cannot let money in. It will just flow around us like a small island within a river leaving us to wonder “Why won’t they choose me? Why won’t they give money to me? Don’t they see that I’d do good stuff with it?” They will - when you also practice choosing and nourishing yourself. And they will give you more when you practice Having. (more of that on another post.)
And not just nourishing the parts of yourself you want others to see or that you’re proud of - but the parts of you that are harsh, painful, or hidden. Some call this shadow work, unconscious bias work, existential kink, or decolonization. The effort comes in many names and the result is always the same - loving your whole self. It is a practice, not a destination. No one person is ever perfectly “fully healed” from anything impactful, but we can be perfectly human, messy, and honest within our practices. We can be in our integrity, and this integrity will keep us nimble on the spectrum of The Attuned.
Note: there is not a perfect way to practice integrity. There is no perfect, balanced equation that says if you nourish and choose your whole self that you’ll equally receive what you choose for yourself, but people will notice and support you differently than they do now. That can be enough.
Financially, The Attuned must recognized that their financial flow matters. They must be nourished by community in order to continue their work. They must keep and cherish some money for themselves.
Egalitarian
Imagine with me for a moment, that an intentional, empathetic person has done a lot of listening and active deconditioning from harmful supremacy mindsets and practices. Imagine this individual knowing that they matter just as much as anyone else. Now imagine they decide to lead.
Hot.
On the Sustainable end of The Attuned’s spectrum, we have leaders who act on their own sovereignty and only use their power when those they listen to give it to them - and, more importantly, they know when to give it back - which puts them back in the middle of the spectrum at Communion. They share power, money, resources with skill and honesty. Synarchic, egalitarian leadership styles thrive within this archetype and their impact is deeply transformative. Keep in mind that leadership can show up in family, communal, and personal dynamics - it’s not always some super visible thing on social media or in government. So if you scored highly with this archetype, I urge you to consider where you are already a leader? Do you organize and DM D&D games? Try to change your office culture one conversation at a time? Speak up for your needs so others can feel more comfortable doing the same? Many of us are egalitarian leaders in our own rights already, so own it -with your voice.
Now imagine a collective of Egalitarian, synarchic leaders leading together. That’s murmuration - like flocks of birds, or schools of fish moving together as “one unit” in their environments to assure the greatest percentage of survival. Humans do this too, and when our goal is mutual joy and pleasure along with survival - which are both goals affected by money - something magical happens: we live in communal abundance. We have enough. We are enough. We get to do the things that enliven us, trusting that the stuff we don’t want to do will be someone’s favorite thing to do. Wow! I want to live in that world - and I’m starting to see it happen because I’m becoming part of it. I should note here too, that many indigenous communities worldwide practice attuned, personal leadership & collective murmuration, so these are not new concepts. Communal abundance is how humans became the most prolific shapers and stewards of this Earth, not survival of the fittest, wars, or other efforts birthed in fear and scarcity. We are so much more than what we’re afraid to know of ourselves. We are powerful, and feeling good together is our birthright.
For more information and tactics for murmuration, please read Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown. Actually, just read it for whatever reason you want. Read it. Let it change you. On second thought - just read anything by Adrienne Maree Brown - both of our lives will be richer for it.
Financial Wellness Offerings
Money Mindset Quiz - Free
Financial Wellness Consultation - Free
Shameless Money Workbook - Sliding scale
Leadership/Team/Partner Money, Power, Intimacy Coaching - Contact for pricing
Exclusive/Personalized Money, Power, Intimacy Coaching - Contact for Pricing
